25 October 2006

divine justice


sleeping (b&w)
Originally uploaded by Joker the Lurcher.
it seems that herself is finally getting her own back. for years, and boy do i mean years, himself has kept the walls of the house trembling with snoring that can only be described as biblical.

for a long time himself refused to believe he snored, in spite of evidence of tape recordings made by herself in desperation when she couldn’t sleep. witnesses in the form of insomniac visitors did nothing to persuade him. even when camping, when the people in the neighbouring tents glare at him in the mornings having been kept awake by his nocturnal rumblings, he refuses to believe that he snores. on one camping trip, friends of the peeps who were camping next door, went for a late night walk round the campsite. from the other end of the place, about 100 yards away, they could still hear him. but himself remained unconvinced.

my boy blissfully sleeps through all this. in a rare moment of lucidity when he was a little pup the peeps decided that creeping around trying to be quiet would lead to him being a light sleeper and that he needed to be conditioned to noise so he would sleep through it. so they crashed around and played loud music and sure enough, my boy can now sleep through anything. even himself’s snoring.

but herself has fared less well. she was obviously not exposed to loud noise as a baby. although from what i hear of the grandfolks they weren’t above throwing plates at each other but perhaps they used plastic ones when herself was small. so herself is woken by pretty much anything. this by all accounts got worse after my boy was born.

my boy did not see the point in sleeping at night. or even in the day very much. the peeps spent many hours pushing him round the house in his pram. they never ventured out shopping with it, as it defeated them getting it through doors. but it was good for rocking him to sleep. however the minute they stopped he would open one eye as if to say, ‘well, why have you stopped?”

now they know he has beefburger syndrome and adhd it has all become clear. such people do not sleep much when they are pups. they need to be constantly moving. if only they had known that then. they could have simply built him a little treadmill and got him to generate all the electricity for the house. instead herself at moments of extreme sleep deprivation resorted to sitting him in front of the telly.

unfortunately in those days the peeps did not have sky tv. so all that was on the telly at 3am was horror movies. my boy was exposed to more zombies than most as a pup. doesn’t seem to have done any harm though. he can shoot the bad guys in his computer games without a backward glance.

anyway, i digress. herself has finally found out how to get her own back on the snore monster. at about 5.30am i was awoken by himself stumbling around getting dressed. herself was woken too. when asked what he was doing (the peeps are on holiday so do not need to get up this early) he said “i can’t sleep through your snoring!” it seems herself has a bit of a cold so in spite of sleeping on her front like a puppy she is still managing to snore.

i had to muffle a little chortle...

1 Comments:

Blogger jen said...

J once taped me snoring b/c i didn't believe it either. rat bastard, really.

that picture is out of this world perfect.

12:20 am  

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